It’s Not Just You—And It’s Not a Disorder
Emotional Intensity and ADHD:
When people think of ADHD, they usually focus on attention and productivity. The struggle to stay on task, the scattered thoughts, the half-finished projects—that’s what makes the headlines. But for me, and for so many others with ADHD, the real battle happens beneath the surface—in the constant emotional waves that crash through my day.
The Emotional Depth of ADHD
For a long time, I thought my biggest challenges were distraction and impatience. But over the years, I realised that my real struggles were emotional—feeling overwhelmed by small setbacks, experiencing rejection like a physical punch, and getting caught in cycles of self-doubt and shame. I could intellectually self-talk myself away from these, given the nature of my work and personal development processes I’ve engaged with over the years, but this does not stop the impact of the initial emotional punch. I could then become involved in a secondary wave of suppression as how can I help others when I’m reeling from the punches of life myself?
I remember once, after missing a deadline, amid a house move, I felt like everything was falling apart. I wasn’t just upset about the task itself—I felt emotionally drained in a way that was hard to explain. Why did my emotions feel so overpowering? These emotional reactions weren’t about being overly sensitive—they were part of how my ADHD brain processed stress, expectations, and self-worth. I had always understood emotional regulation, but I hadn’t recognised how much ADHD was influencing my own experiences until adulthood, particularly during perimenopause when estrogen dips dopamine dips, which is already low in ADHD.
The Neurobiology of Emotional Intensity & Rejection Sensitivity
ADHD emotional intensity isn’t just a personality trait—it’s wired into the brain. The prefrontal cortex, which helps regulate emotions, is often less active in ADHD brains, making it harder to control emotional responses in the moment. At the same time, the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions, can be hyperactive, making emotional experiences feel more intense and immediate.
Dopamine, a key neurotransmitter involved in motivation and emotional regulation, also plays a crucial role. ADHD brains often have lower dopamine availability, which can lead to emotional highs and lows, impulsivity, and difficulty recovering from emotional distress. This is why a minor setback can feel catastrophic—it’s not just psychological, it’s neurochemical.
The Misdiagnosis Trap
One of the most challenging emotional experiences for people with ADHD is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). This is an extreme emotional response to perceived or actual rejection, criticism, or failure. Because the ADHD brain processes emotions so intensely, rejection isn’t just disappointing—it can feel unbearable, even physically painful.
RSD often leads to:
Avoiding situations where rejection might happen (e.g., not speaking up in meetings, avoiding social risks).
Overcompensating to seek approval (people-pleasing, perfectionism).
Intense emotional reactions that may seem disproportionate to others.
ADHD emotional intensity can also resemble Complex Post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) or PTSD. Both ADHD and trauma can lead to emotional dysregulation, hypervigilance, and difficulty managing stress. The key difference is that PTSD and C-PTSD are triggered by past traumatic experiences, whereas ADHD emotional intensity is consistent throughout life due to neurobiological differences. However, because ADHD can lead to repeated experiences of failure, rejection, and feeling misunderstood, it can also contribute to trauma responses over time.
This overlap means that some people with ADHD might be misdiagnosed with PTSD or C-PTSD, or they may actually have both. Recognising the distinction is crucial because treatment approaches for trauma and ADHD-related emotional regulation can be different.
Another common misdiagnosis for ADHD emotional intensity is insecure attachment styles. People with ADHD often struggle with emotional regulation and rejection sensitivity, which can look similar to insecure attachment patterns. The difference is that while attachment patterns stem from relational dynamics in early life, ADHD emotional reactivity is rooted in neurobiology. Of course, someone can have both, but misattributing ADHD-related emotions solely to attachment issues can delay proper support and coping strategies.
One thing that often gets overlooked is how ADHD emotional intensity can be misdiagnosed. Many people, including some of my clients, have been told they have borderline personality disorder (BPD) also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD), or even Bipolar Disorder before realising that their emotional dysregulation is actually a part of ADHD.
ADHD emotions don’t just come and go randomly. They are deeply tied to rejection sensitivity, frustration intolerance, and an intense connection to experiences. When someone feels emotions strongly but has learned to suppress them, that takes an enormous amount of energy—leading to exhaustion, burnout, and emotional shutdown. This cycle can make it seem like there are deeper mood disorders at play when, in reality, it’s ADHD trying to cope in a world that doesn’t always understand its emotional wiring.
Managing Emotions When It's Not the Right Time to Express Them
While embracing emotional intensity is important, there are situations where it isn’t appropriate or safe to express emotions in the moment—such as in professional settings, high-stakes conversations, or social situations where emotional reactions might not be understood. Instead of suppressing emotions (which can lead to exhaustion and emotional shutdown), I’ve learned to pause and hold space for them until I can process them later.
Strategies that help me:
Name the emotion silently: Acknowledging what I’m feeling without pushing it away.
Physically ground myself: Using deep breathing or sensory techniques (like pressing my feet into the floor) to stay present. Or just putting my hand on my heart to reconnect with my body,
Schedule a time to revisit the emotion: Whether it’s journalling, talking to someone I trust, or allowing myself to fully process the feeling later. If it’s hard to reconnect with the feeling, I might listen to music that evokes the mood of the feeling to align myself with that energy which usually helps.
Holding emotions in a healthy way, ensures that they are not forgotten, dismissed, or suppressed—but instead honoured at a time when they can be fully processed and understood. You may even want to create a visual representation in your minds eye of a box to put the emotions into
Emotional intensity - One of your greatest strengths
When I stopped trying to “shut down” my emotions and started listening to them, I realised they were guiding me toward what I truly valued. I care deeply about people, about meaning, about making an impact. I feel things deeply because I am deeply connected to the world around me.
Instead of rejecting my emotions, I’ve learned to work with them:
When I feel overwhelmed, I pause and check in instead of pushing through.
When rejection hits hard, I remind myself that my worth isn’t based on someone else’s opinion.
When I start to suppress how I feel, I remind myself that doing so takes even more energy—leaving me mentally and physically drained.
These small shifts have changed everything. Instead of getting stuck in emotional exhaustion, I now see my emotions as signposts—guiding me toward growth, healing, and a more aligned life.
If you’ve ever felt like your emotions are too big, too much, too overwhelming, I want you to know this:
Your emotional depth isn’t a weakness. It’s a strength waiting to be understood. The more you embrace it, the more you’ll find clarity, balance, and self-compassion.
ADHD isn’t just about focus. It’s about how we feel, how we connect, and how we grow. And when we stop seeing our emotions as obstacles and start seeing them as guides, that’s when real healing begins. If you think about evolution things we need to survive are present to ensure survival, so lets not ignore the messages of our ADHD - which should perhaps mean Awakened Dynamic Higher Detection if we can tune in to our own neural broadcasts.
What’s one way you’ve learned to embrace your emotional intensity? Drop a comment and let’s talk about it.
Paid subscribers can get the Emotional First Aid Kit below. This is A Practical Guide for Managing Overwhelm, Rejection, and Burnout
If you don’t want a regular commitment but would like to contribute to me helping others then click below to buy me a coffee!
I recently spoke about the importance of learning to work with your nervous system, which includes grounding, on UK Health Radio - click the image below to listen.
If you feel you want to try some meditations to help you reconnect with your body which can really help when trying to set boundaries, as you can learn to feel when something does and does not serve you. Click the images below to find out about the specific focus of each. All my meditations use healing frequencies, subliminal messages and binaural beats to enhance recovery - if these terms feel meaningless click, the images to find out more.
To continue to reconnect with your body more and remain mindful and present, see if any of these online courses from Rewire Trauma Therapy resonate with you:
Paid subscribers see my code below for 50% off courses over $240 dollars
Somatic Therapy Programme Link
For media enquiries please see my press page